Jacked-Up

Several weeks into my thirties I feel like I'm just beginning to realize that I'm more jacked up, sinful, and confused than I ever dared believe, but in Jesus I'm even more loved, accepted, and cared for than I ever dared hope. Justin Buzzard

I read the above quote just this morning and related so well to it. I find myself thinking from time to time, that there is no way I can be saved, no way I deserve to be saved. I am completely unworthy and some days I still feel so opposed to God. I fight Him and His truth, His will. My deepest, inner most desire is for God and His glory. Yet, the desires on my flesh DO have strength and at times threaten to overwhelm and bury the true desire of my heart. Every time I sin, I am allowing those fleshly desires to override the one God has planted in my want and the one He wants me to pursue. I am learning from experience that if I want to live a passionate, God-filled like, I have to WORK at it EVERYDAY! I have always had a head knowledge and understanding of this, but it is becoming so much more real to me now then ever before. I am worse than an ever dared to imagine or think. That is the sad truth. Yet,the greater truth,the greater Hope is that God is rich enough in mercy, love, and forgiveness to remove my filth. And He does remove it because HE wants to; not because I am worthy of it.